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Resources for Youth

Youth Information - Know What to Do, Where to Go, and What it is
 

Sexual Harassment, Assault, Rape -  It is NEVER YOUR FAULT!

Sexual violence can happen to anyone - regardless of race, gender, age, socioeconomic status or religion. Although there is no way to prevent all sexual violence from happening, there are ways to reduce your risks of becoming a victim.

Sexual violence violates a person's trust and feeling of safety.  Sexual violence occurs anytime a person is forced, coerced, and/or manipulated into any unwanted sexual activity. Sexual violence is NOT about sex - it's about power, control and harm. It is NOT motivated by sexual desire. Rapists use sex as a weapon to dominate others.

Tips if you feel you are being sexually harassed

Let the harasser know you don't like the behavior or comments.

Tell someone and keep telling until you find someone who believes you. Find supporters and talk with them about what's happening.

Do not blame yourself for sexual harassment. You certainly did not ask for it!

Keep a written record of the incidents; what happened, when, where, who else was present and how you reacted.

Reduce Your Risk for Sexual Violence

Trust your gut. If you don't feel comfortable in a situation, leave.

Be in charge of your own life. Don't feel that you "owe" anyone anything sexually.

When you go out with someone new, don't feel you have to go alone.

Avoid individuals who:

 
Don't listen to you
Ignore personal space boundaries
Make you feel guilty or accuse you of being "uptight" for resisting sexual advances
Express sexist attitudes and jokes
Act jealous or possessive
Getting Help… If you or someone you know has been a victim of sexual assault, call CAFY 301-390-4092
  Be assertive. Respect yourself enough not to do anything you don't want to do. Your opinions matter.
 

Communicate: Think about what you really want before you get into a sexual situation, and communicate clearly with your partner.

  Immediate concerns:

 
  Physical safety - make sure the victim is in a safe place. Encourage him or her to talk to someone he or she trusts for emotional support
  Evidence - valuable evidence of the assault may remain on the victim's body and clothes. Encourage the victim not to eat, drink, smoke, comb hair, shower, urinate, defecate or douche before going to the emergency room. However, if he or she has already done these things, don't let it stop them from seeking medical care.
  Reporting the assault - whether or not the victim decides to prosecute, ask him or her to consider notifying police of the assault. Pressing charges may help a victim feel empowered after the assault.
  Counseling - the victim has been through a traumatic experience and may need help dealing with his or her feelings.

 

Call  911 for immediate help and call CAFY to speak to an advocate who can help at 301-390-4092 or 301-772-4273.

 My Boy/Girlfriend is Years Older - Not Problem, Right?

"Statutory Rape" is the general term for the criminal act of having sexual intercourse with a minor who is under the age of consent. Why does this law exist? The law recognizes two things about age and consent:

Children under the age of 13 are too young to understand the full meaning of sexual intercourse, and are easy for adults and older teens to manipulate.

Teenagers who are in relationships with someone who is 4 or more years older than them are not on a level playing field when it comes to making decisions about sex.

Here's the age breakdown:
Statutory Rape
If anyone has sexual intercourse with a minor under the age of 13.

This is a 1st degree felony, punishable by up to 20 years in prison

Statutory Sexual Assault
If a person has sexual intercourse with a minor under the age of 16 and that person is four or more years older.

This is a 2nd degree felony, punishable by up to 10 years in prison.

So, if you're 15 or younger, and your boy/girlfriend is more than 4 years older, they could get in trouble! Here are the ages where statutory sexual assault can occur:

Your age

Your boy/girlfriend's age

15

19

14

18

13

17

It is a crime even if the underage person:

Agreed or initiated sex

Pretended to be older or lied about his/her age

Had sexual experience prior to the incident

It is a crime even if the older person:

Is in a committed relationship with the underage person

Thought the younger person was older

Had the approval of the younger person's parents

 Love Does Not Hurt - Dating Violence

Dating violence is a pattern of forceful or controlling behavior that is used against an intimate partner without regard to that person's safety, health or human rights.

Many teens think "there's no way that can happen to me!" but dating violence does not discriminate - it occurs across all social and economic lines, all races and ethnicities, and in heterosexual and same sex relationships.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, get help NOW. Talk to a trusted adult, or contact your local victim services agency - CA FY at 301-390-4092 or the domestic violence center in Prince George’s County call Family Crisis Center 301-779-2100.You don't have to go through this alone!

How healthy is my relationship? Check out the two lists below - one of healthy relationship characteristics and one of unhealthy traits.  The point of the exercise is to figure out what things in your relationship are healthy or unhealthy, so you can gain appreciation for the best things and also decide what you want to change.

Is It Healthy?

Have fun together more often than not

Always feel safe together

Trust each other

Are faithful to each other

Support each other's individual goals in life

Respect each other's opinions, even when they are different

Solve conflicts positively

Are proud to be with each other

Have some privacy

Never feel like you're being pressured for sex

Allow each other space when you need it

Always treat each other with respect

Is It Unhealthy?

Gets extremely jealous or accuses the other of cheating

Doesn't take the other person seriously

Doesn't listen when the other talks

Has ever threatened to hurt the other or commit suicide if they leave

Tells the other how to dress

Blames the other for their own behavior ("If you hadn't made me mad, I wouldn't have…")

Embarrasses or humiliates the other

Smashes, throws or destroys things

Goes back on promises

Ignores or withholds affection as a way of punishing the other

Depends completely on the other to meet social or emotional needs

The following are warning signs of an abusive person. If the person you are in a relationship with begins to exhibit any of these signs, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship!

An abusive person…

Exhibits extreme jealously and possessiveness

Criticizes and puts down partner

Controls partner's time, whereabouts and friendships

Isolates partner from friends

Believes rigidly in traditional gender roles

Devalues a person based on their gender

Destroys things or possessions when angry

Has a Jekyll and Hyde personality

Has an explosive temper

May have witnessed domestic violence as a child

Everyone has basic rights in a relationship, and the responsibility to respect the other person's rights. Make sure that the person you're with is respecting you and not trying to coerce or "trick" you into anything you don't want to do!

Emotional Coercion is when one person pressures another to have sex by making them feel bad about themselves or threatening the relationship. If someone tells you…

 

 

You're so immature. Maybe I'd better find someone older.

If you don't do it with me, I'll find someone who will!

The way you kiss turns me on - what do you expect?

If you don't want to do it, then why are you dressed that way?

Everyone else is doing this - what's your problem?

If you really love me, you will do this.

I pay for dates, I buy you things - why can't you do this for me?

Usually the person ...

 

has money or a car

knows more, have more information

has more experience - have done more things

knows how to argue to get what they want

is bigger, stronger

may be more trusted by adults

has the freedom to do more things and make own decisions.

Don't be "fooled" by this power…it might seem "cool" at first, but make sure that you are getting what YOU want from the relationship!

Bullying is Real and It is Wrong

People who are get bullied get trapped.  The more they get bullied, the worse they feel; and the worse they feel about themselves, the more they may be bullied.

Bullying IS HARMFUL.  It can leave victims with short and long term effects.

The emotional scars from bullying can last a lifetime!

Children and Teens who are repeatedly bullied sometimes see suicide as their only escape!

The primary reason that school violence has escalated to school shootings has been because of bullying!

In the U.S., 140,000 kids stay home from school every day because they are fearful of getting bullied!

NO ONE deserves to be bullied! If you being bullied talk to someone you trust; you DON'T have to go through it alone!

Talk to someone, report it or call your local victim service provider CAFY 301-390- 4092.

Anger - I am in Control

Anger is a very normal, healthy emotion - it lets us know when something isn't quite right in our lives. However, if anger is not handled it can lead to conflict, it can produce stress, and can even lead to violence. We can't always avoid feeling angry, but we can learn to manage it without violence.

8 ways to keep your cool! - Find which ones work for you!

Count to 10, 20 or 100! (This gives you time to think without reacting purely on emotion.)

Take 10 slow, deep breaths! (Your body can't stay tense with proper oxygen!)

Listen to some soothing music!

Do something active - ride a bike, run, play a sport!

Write the angry thoughts down on a paper, or in a journal!

Think about things that make you feel good!

Go to your room and take a "time out!"

Talk to someone you trust who will listen without judging you or tempting you to make negative decisions.

 

Produced by Community Advocates for Family & Youth.  The hosting of this website was made possible by the support by Office for Victims of Crime, U.S. Department of Justice.  Points of view in this document are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the official position or policies of the U. S. Department of Justice.